The thresholds that reminded me I have a heart

During the passing of the years, we human beings face different emotional stages like sadness, happiness, anger, joy, envy, whatever comes to your mind, and as the life line increases, our emotional state stabilizes and remains constant during a certain amount of years. But suddenly for some, these unexpected life peaks change everything as we normally know, feeling as if a massive tsunami is traveling inside the body, sweeping away everything in its path and making us tremble. It feels like it is the limit, like sometimes you cannot take it anymore. I like to call these peaks “life thresholds”.

There are indeed different kind of life thresholds; some are straight forward like getting rejected from your dreams job and still keep the attitude that something better will arrive. Some others are more complex and might come when your life is filled with uncontrollable madness, for instance waking up after a very bad night full of alcohol, drugs and fights that made you realize you need to re-evaluate and recover some peace in yourself; some others come when you are not appreciating your life as beautiful as it is and you need to feel a killer instinct co co combo breaker KO, to prove yourself you’re able to do better and be better; crashing into a running bull at 130 km/h is a good example of this one. But then, one of the most powerful of course is the love/hate/anger one , since you might feel like you’re flying amidst fat fluffy flying cats and whisky fountains and suddenly a huge disappointment takes place and you land at 20x the gravity to the lowest point of oblivion and feel as if a “dementor” drains out all your soul without doing anything about it. #geekness.

Yeah yeah, very dramatic and geek and stupid some might say but… Some of you might perfectly understand what I’m talking about, and will actually agree that this shit is very real.

I also call these “thresholds”, because after this “limit”, everything is unknown and uncertain and no pattern or behavior can actually be predicted. The only sure thing is that there is a notorious change on the life line plot and well, it totally depends on every individual to decide, act and walk to the consequence path that suits the best. Sometimes the fairy tale becomes true and after the darkness, a bright and sunny future awaits, it is always a matter of perspective. And bollocks.

I’d like now to share with you some of those love thresholds that really marked some parts of my life and shaped me on this “last Tlatoani” I am today. #allineedisabeard

So, first of all, despite being a crazy, intense women lover, I’ve only had 3 formal girlfriends, and by that I mean to be together more than 4 months and to be more than a sweaty hand. However, sometimes you require only a couple of weeks to totally fall for someone, burn all your brain circuits and give away a baby gorilla as a present just because is Monday. Equally, I’m not saying that other kind of relationships did not make any effect, I just can’t describe everyone and everything. #Nobodycares. But anyway, these individuals have left sort of a “memorable scar” in me, let’s say in the most notorious way:

1. “L”.  New Yorker. The responsible of me starting this blog. The one who gave me the most intense emotions in the light and the dark side. The one who showed me true partner love, true anger, true sadness, true joy for the first time of my life. After almost 2 years, finished in “good” terms and said good bye in the airport as she returned to her home land about 4 years ago. Kind of the 1st Tsunami I felt inside my body. Havn’t spoken in 3 years and probably we’ll never see each other again.

2. “L”. Italian. Sicilian. The one who taught me that love must be unconditional, total and brave. The only one I’ve been able to fight, discuss and then just laugh together about it. The only one also with whom I felt a bit of jealousy when a guy approached to her. One of the most dramatic persons in the planet that demonstrated me that love requires also a lot of balls and a huge determination to live life as intense as possible. She taught me that sometimes, the smartest idea is the craziest one, and it’s worthy giving it a try. We met recently after 3 years, after many online drama, discussions and  hateful messages and let me tell you, it was a brilliant idea. She’s today one of my very best friends and I’m grateful to have her in my life.

3. “J”. Mexican. She probably doesn’t even realize she is in this amusing blog. We dated only for a couple of months but were never a couple. Madly attracted to her physically. Responsible of me understanding about self love, self happiness and self conscious. It was fun, it was not love, I actually don’t know what it was, but it made me grow as a person by myself. We’re normal friends who exchange fb messages every birthday.

4. “J”. North Mexican. An almost half a year relationship that taught me that dreams can be achieved, and that help and support, specially coming from your partner, is sometimes exactly what you need in order to achieve those dreams. Responsible of me learning the meaning of “happiness is only true when shared”. Responsible of giving me that last and most important thrust to my engine and fly to where I am today. The one who had that look that drilled directly into my soul and destroyed all my barriers, knowing who I am and what I’m capable of, and stayed. We broke up because I came to Sweden, in search of my dreams, of a new life, of a better me. She is one of my life columns and best friends. I’m almost sure we won’t see each other, at least in a very long time. She knows it too. But then again, life is like a box of chocolates.

Funny letter pattern uh?

Through all my life I’ve been the cheesy and corny guy, the “too good to be your girlfriend” guy, the asshole who likes every girl guy, the guy who cheats, the guy gets cheated on, the “you’re the most insensitive” guy and the “you’re fucking amazing and also in the bed” guy. Life situations that have taken me to a crazy ride, some good decisions, some fucked up ones as well, but everything allowed me to grow not only as a lover but also as a man, as a person. Situations that for good or for worse, allowed me to expand my mind and to know amazing and fucked up people to live fantastic stuff.

I’m not even close to be perfect and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Imperfection is what makes us love, live and get together. Is what gives us life thresholds and makes us react to them, makes us to surpass that limit.

Signals are everywhere. (Like in the cup of coffee. I took the picture btw). Have you had this type of experiences? Don’t ever stop. You have not and you’re looking for the million pounds solution? Get a mirror, take a good look right into the eye and smile back.

My heart beats loud when I do it.

What do you feel? Maybe a life threshold?

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

Forrest Gump. 

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