After 372 hours of freaking exhausting work, I’m done with this summer job craziness. Besides of being called the best intern of this period and saw that what i did was perfectly working, that I learned many many things, made new friends, got drunk as never in my life and finished in the worst places I’ve ever been in my entire life, yeah, it was awesome.
But i must admit i had some kind of a revelation this summer…before starting the internship i was convinced i wanted to finish my career and work immediately as an engineer blah blah blah. Well yeah, working is important cuz you need money, and without it, you will starve to death, and i don’t want that. BUT, i finally understood the real meaning of freedom and happiness, that doing what you like is freedom, and liking what you do is happiness, i also may dare to say freedom is to scape from the real world to a better place, surreal place, and happiness is the son of a bitch that we will always try to reach, and when you think you have it, somehow it manages to go away.
I discovered I’m a good worker, good element for the team, they even offered me to enter this steel empire after i graduate. I had the joy to go out, party, and get waisted from wednesday to sunday until 4 am, and get up to work at 7 am (a-w-f-u-l). I’m good with the human relations, such as getting along with the bosses, the workers, the drivers, everybody. I’m even good at talking and giving speeches in front of a crowd about how much this experience meant for me on the closing ceremony. What else can i ask for?
Yeah there is one thing. Happiness.
I’m just NOT happy. Why? Hell god knows why. I just have a huge vacuum inside myself that keeps making me feel miserable. I had a little dose of how real life tastes. Not bad, pretty good sometimes actually. Managed to survive and proved myself that I’m good at what i decided to be for the rest of my life. Then what is it?
Maybe I’ve spent too much time trying to make other people happy. Maybe I’ve shed too many tears. Or maybe as much as i hate to say this, I’m an idiot who expects a lot of people, and i just keep getting disappointed all the time…
Better times will come? I shall rise and be a better man than yesterday? God will help?
Bullshit. The time is here and now, today i feel anger and sadness, today i just feel empty…again…