What is love?
What does it mean to feel love?
Some may say well feeling butterflies in your stomach when you see that person, or having shiny eyes when that person comes around, or to kiss or be kissed like never before, bla bla bla.
I think all that is the falling in love part but love itself, is 2000000 light years beyond and better than that.
I believe i have felt love, but i mean real love, only once, recently.
I met a girl from New York in november of 2010 in a party i didnt even wanted to go. When i saw her i felt just the need of talking to her. So after some magical days i asked her to be my GF. She was drunk, but she accepted.
After 1 year and 3 months of a relationship, a relationship of the best and the worst things, a relationship where i think we lived the enough stuff to call it a REAL relationship. After the best fucking sex and kisses of my life, the worst discussions, hugs, kicks, face-slaps + hits, amazing travels, mornings, afternoons, evenings watching TV shows and movies, songs reminding me to her, singing ridiculous songs, tears and sadness, emotional wednesdays and fridays, cigarettes, flowers, thousand pictures, the best modern-cool-creative meals, martinis, special meaning tattoos, parties, belligerent actions, holding hands, 5 minutes free cellphone calls for about an hour, dye the hair, Victorias, straight the hair, transgressions….after watching a beautiful girl sleeping by my side while hugging me, hear her breathing, look into her eyes and say good morning, after saying “i love you” for the very first-real time, hours on the Bicentenario bus, getting dizzy on the back of a truck on our way to the beach…reconciliations, dreams shared, feelings shared, everything shared…after accepting the fact that you really are complete, accepting that when you are with this person, you know everything is going to be ok, everything is on HD, you got the best inspiration ever and you start to have a great performance in everything….after feeling the worst sadness cuz you know the person must leave because there is no other option, that you must say good bye with unstoppable tears and giant glasses, accepting the fact that it sucks, that you cant do anything else, lay in your bed thinking about her, missing everything about her….after some weeks, realizing that life continues, that the show must go on, that is time to walk alone but dreaming about the chance of being with her again, wanting it, desiring it…
After knowing that this person fits you, completes you, fills you, makes you the happiest person on earth, makes you a better person, makes you feel real love…
After all that and 1000000 things more, here i am, laying in my bed, thinking of her, drinking a beer at 1:34 am, wishing she’s having a great time, wishing the best for her, wishing to see her again, to be with her again, to kiss her, hug her, stay with her…
On the other hand i’d be stupid and naive if i think of this as a prince happy fairy tale, life sometimes is an evil bitch, and i don’t wanna fuck up my present thinking only of the future, i don’t wanna become insane about the uncertainty, we make our path as we walk, but as the book of Power of Now says, what is real cannot be destroyed, never, and what we lived and feel is 100% real.
So i think love is not only about knowing a person, nor only about sex, kisses, hugs and gifts. Love is about living what you thought you would never live, is about sharing the darkest and brightest secrets, is about having fun, cool and good fun, is about growing up, about accepting great and awful things, about being together not only in the best but also in the worse situations, about learning new, unimaginable, awesome, crazy stuff, about life changes, amazing changes. Is living all the complex parts that make the word “Love” exists.
I am happy i am one of the very lucky ones who has felt this. I know the next time i feel it for 100% real will be when i see her again, so yeah im kind of a dreamer, but im realistic about the fact that i won’t see her again.
But for now, as much as i hate it, its time to keep walking.